1. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame
they’ll never meet.
2. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get
out of my fort.
3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much
money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
4. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, they’re efficient and not very funny.
5. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter;
it’s not going to come.
6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to
pay. You have my Word.
7. What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it
would kill you? A pool table.
8. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52
seconds. Poor bastard.
9. How do you find Will Smith ¡n the snow? You look for the
fresh prints.
10. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even
the cake was in tears.
11. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea. Runs in
our jeans.
12. A physicist sees a young man about to Jump off the
Empire State Building He yells “Don’t do ¡t! You have so much potential! “
13. A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar. The
bartender gave it to her.
14. Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.
15. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
16. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag - You can hide
but you can’t run.
17. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would
make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.
18. And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will
receive eternal life” But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
19. Someone stole my mood ring, I don’t know how I feel
about that.
20. I tried to catch fog yesterday, Mist.
21. The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, Is don’t talk about
chess club.
22. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four
doors it would be a chicken sedan.
23. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
…………………………
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